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Don’t worry…

2010/12/14

It’s been a busy few months. It’s been a stressful few months. It’s been a transformational few months.

If you want to learn and grow and change, fail. Take a risk, do something you wouldn’t usually do, and fail at it. Not necessarily completely, in an all-consuming “my life is over” sense. But do it, learn from it, and move on to the next difficult life lesson.

There’s some curmudgeonly bias there, sure. I’m in the middle of starting a business, making some painful missteps, and my back is killing me. As the holidays approach, I barely have time for my annual holiday sulk! Actually, my anti holiday sentiments are mostly a put-on. Not having to feign distaste at the commercialism is a nice break from the usual, though!

I’ll rewind a little, in order to provide a little context about where a lot of this stems from. In August, Brandi & I decided we were ready to take on the challenge of my change from full time employee to full time entrepreneur (I intend to explore this word further, at a later date.) I was just going to develop software on my own, instead of for another company.

Oh, to be so young and naive again. While I don’t have a single regret about it, I was ill informed to make such a decision. Then again, there was no way to fully appreciate what sort of an undertaking it would really be, without having experienced it firsthand. At least, not that I can think of. It is a lot of work. Difficult work. It’s communicating, constantly. Physically challenging, because it’s long hours hunched over a screen, and I have terrible posture!

Instead of one boss expecting work from you, there are several… It’s not being your own boss, it’s being your own manager, but ultimately you are still beholden to someone for deadlines or outcomes, and most importantly, working code. I’m fortunate to have the support of my wife, my family, and friends. Not sure what I would do without them.

Meanwhile, my wife of nearly 5 years now (Brandi, see the above comment re my cohort in decision making,) is finishing her final year of law school. Since we decided that we weren’t already under enough stress, we thought maybe she should go ahead and apply to spend her final semester as a law student at a school in Colorado. We’ve wanted to move there for quite some time, and since we’re allowing all of this other change into our lives, we might as well. Right? Sure. Did I mention that Brandi is in a dual degree program? JD, and Masters in Criminal Justice. So, already a lot going on there.

Here we are, she was accepted to both schools this week. So, next month is our estimated move date. Meanwhile, I have had a few business oriented setbacks that were great as a learning experience, but not great in the “keeping the lights on and stomachs full” sense of things. Breakthroughs, I believe, is what some people call them. They’re hard earned, and valuable, but like any such things, they are earned through tribulation. That kind of life lesson is never free, and seldom cheap!

No wonder my back hurts, my hair is falling out, and I’m tired all of the time. Just waking up in the morning is worth going back to bed over! Let this serve as a cautionary tale to anyone like myself, who tends to lose the forest for the trees, and take on too many projects or new endeavors at once…

I am learning to assess how much is really going on in my life, and what constitutes a commitment which will require the exertion of some sort of effort. Work, family, friends; every time you make a choice about how to spend your time, your values are reflected. It is important to me that I become more intentional about how and what I spend my time on.

This is a challenging period in our life, but I’m sure we’ll get through it. Hopefully in the future, I will have fewer things which require my time, thoughts and energy. Until then, some Bob Marley. I think this is an interesting take on this song, it’s a more mysterious sounding version than I’m used to, but I enjoy it and the video is light spirited and entertaining.

Don’t worry, about a thing. Every little thing is going to be alright.

Here, I took a picture of a tree for you.

The sun, trees, a picture.

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2 Comments
  1. Cory, haven’t known you very long & don’t know you very well, but you seem like the kind of person who is capable of doing anything he sets his mind to. I am sorry to hear you’re struggling, but you are correct, taking a risk is the only way to grow. And as someone still sitting in an office still someone else’s FTE, I can tell you it’s not all roses here. I’m sure you remember!

    Let me know if there is anything I can do to help, even if I’m 1,000 miles away. And please do stop by on your trek to Colorado!

    • seeflanigan permalink

      Thanks Dan!

      Yeah, re-reading this it sounds more like I’m complaining than I intended. My goal was to say “Hey, even in the busiest most stressful time I’ve ever experienced, things are good, and they’re going to get better, so don’t worry!” I’m still working on a process for editing/vetting posts though… for now I think it’s important to me that I just get them out there and get in the behavior of writing regularly, and talking about things that are important to me and relevant to people besides me.

      I definitely appreciate the kind words and support, and depending on how and when things work out, I would definitely like to hang out for a bit and get lunch or do some pairing or something!

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